have i always (still) love you?

we made choices,boy. that's what we can't regret.

it's u who choose to be with me,without any status. it's u who choose to be near me. be there when i need u. when i was freaked out. i was pleased. thank u for that.

then time past by n i realize that we r going to no point. i'm afraid there was no point of return. we r running in the same circle. we cry,we laugh,we hv emotions.. what do u feel when i'm not around? when i was with another guy? n how do i feel when u r with other?

but u stay there. with no words. pretending there were nothing.for all the things that we are,but there were no saying. n then i choose to leave u. to leave all the things we've done behind. to walk away. after some time,i try to forget u and all the things.

we r friends right? u tel me about ur girl. i tell u about my boy. we still laugh to each other,beyond the pain,it fakes. we make jokes. we tell stories. but it was just all fake ,in fact we r running from the real problems.

n what about now? suddenly u said that the whole thing was a crapped? u didn't want it to be happen? when i say i moved on,i thought i really do,then why? what's the matter? everything has it's own price,yes there is,boy. that's what u've got to pay.

u choose to live alone. u choose to live lonely. u make me to choose to leave u. it was all about ur choice. maybe it's still not our time.

no,and maybe will never be. it's done.

180 derajat

oke. skrg smuanya jd berbalik 180 derajat. somehow,felt like i lost my best friend but let it be.
mungkin best waynya begini biar smua sama2 enak.

dari dlu,datang dan pergi,itu hanya masalah waktu bukan? untuk melangkah menjauh,itu lebih mudah (utk sbgn org spt) drpd mulai mendekati,sbg apapun.

at the beginning,maybe it was hard,i mean,i felt dissapointed to them both.tp lama2 many things had opened my eyes to see,n to let go.,untuk ikhlas liat smuanya :) dan mgkn dengan begini "jalannya" baru terbuka. smiling with my broken smile for few days,tp skrg,senyumnya udah tulus setulus2nya kok.

kinda losing a best private guide for west of jakarta,haha. but yeah well,hope u hv a great life,dude.

anyway,i'd like to keep my blog like this,sepi. :)

drop some tears (WORDS) maybe

hmhh tehnically,many things happen this days when i can't drop some words here. too much,sampe ga bisa nulis apa2 lagi dan parahnya i don't know how to fix this. luka tertinggal di hati,too deep to make it leave.

seems like i'm not moving in the right track. i just don't know how. mulay merasa ga nyaman dengan keadaan ini,sgt tidak nyaman, dan gak pgen pula nyalahin siapapun dalam keadaan ini,tp yah well,life is full of problems. someone,slm bbrp hr kblkg ini,sorry kl memang g bersikap kyk anak kcil,actually i was ashamed for that. :"> but thank u for being a good friend of mine.

sbnrnya mslh ini,ga akan bisa dibkin clear,smpe kpnpun kl emg ga da kbranian utk itu. dan gak ada yg brani merusak hubungan yang telah ada dengan memperjelas. tp lama2 he showed me the line,n i understand. smg g ga salah baca,tp biargmnpun i'm leaving. slow but sure. please God,i want to leave all this. please let me. thank you for all,buat smua baik yg uda loe buat,buat smua kesan terbaik yg pernah ada. buat smua kata2 yg perna luw ucapin. u r not perfect,n i'm not looking for the perfect one,but we will never met each other. we are on the different sides,n i realize that. n i'm tired tellin' u to stop being kind to me,stop listening to my words,stop doing things that are extraordinary for me. g ga akan menganggap itu lebih lagi kali ini,smua hal yg loe lakukan,sama dengan apaa yg luw perbuat k org lain,mskpn mgkn engga but i'm sorry,i'm numb alrdy. u make me lose my comfort. u make me lose my self confidence with u,in suchaway. but thank you,thank you for our evening memories,thank you for being there sbg apapun,thank u :) though it hurt,thank you. (T.T)

and the other thing is,hmmh well,blkgan ini masa lalu agak sdkt singgah di hati.hahhaa. thank u juga deh,buat waktunya dgerin curhatan yg ngalur ngidul.sometimes still need time to tell u stories. lucu aja,"perasaanku ini bukan perasaan pgen milikin km lg,tp perasaan pgen jaga km aja" he said, hmmh,anyway,thanx ya dud. :)

n thanks to for someone yg bs juga ngelucu,sms k nmr esia,blsnya pke flexi ato ga simpati. slalu deh. hahahaha. makasih makasih makasih yg ga bisa diucapin lg deh.ribet. makasih tp yah anywayyy. u know who u are.

after all,i got so many friends to hold me. smg bnr2 bisa bgni trus,tetep senyum. kepala terangkat,dan tersenyum. smg ga serapuh di dalam. smg yg rapuh d dlm,bisa menjadi kuat. semoga.

in the end,it feel hurt too.
in any way,it feel hurt too.
in such a way,it still feel hurt.

ending this up. don't wanna live in my dream anymore. klo kata filmnya,maybe the best way is moving on. :)))))))
so move!

mltr

abis dgerin lagu2nya MLTR di youtube. kok tiba2 mellow ya? hahaha. gawat nihh.
well,keputusan sudah diambil,apapun yg terjadi harus spt itu. spy nantinya,smua jg sama2 enak.
dan kali ini mgkn ga bisa diganggu gugat. few weeks left. ga lama kok. asal sabar aja.
abis ini,yah free. move on. krn klo gni trus,cape juga temenan.
temenan yg ga jelas ujung dan pangkalnya. spending my time too much on u. spending memories too much with u. please hold back , don't say anything. don't make any move.
don't make this situation get more worst . i'll close my eyes,my heart. pretending to be ignorant.

mgkn kl skrg ga ktmu,smpe kpn jg susahh. kiri dan kanan. ga nyambung.

tdur! bsk anterin bokp k apt jm 4.30 subuh.

time to write something here.
stlh dipkirkan matang2,mgkn jalan terbaiknya sementara spt ini dulu. diem,dan sendiri.
udah dingomongin,tp ga percaya. malah suruh buktiin. hellow. ga perlu lah. luw ga pcy kan? fine. luw ga perlu tau sklian. krn gwe dah blg,luw ga akan pernah ngerti. luw tetep bertahan di posisi itu. di ego luw. hold back? g ga ngerti maksud hold back luw itu apa dan gmn. jd mgkn,drpd stiap kali luw ngmg sm g jg luw msi suka empet,dan g ngmg sm luw dr sabar bisa mpe ga sabar,ya udhlh,mndingan bgni dulu. bertemen itu ya bertemen,ga pke bumbu sakit hati. kl udh salah satu (atau bhkn dua duanya) sakit hati,dan udh dicoba beresin tp ga beres juga,ada baiknya,smua masing2 saling diem duluu.

mgkn apa yg pernah g ucapin,harus g tarik lg. harus mulai bisa nata hati lg (spt wkt itu) dan kali ini,tnpa kutukan,. haha. i'd promise u. but i'd give up on this. sorry. all for good. hope so. :)

all or nothing.westlife.

I know when he's been on your mind
That distant look is in your eye
I thought with time you'd realize
It's over,over.

It's not the way I choose to live
And something somewhere's got to give
As sharing this relationship gets older,older.

You know I'd fight for you
But how I can fight someone who isn't even there
I've had the rest of you now I want the best of you
I dont care if that's not fair

Chorus:
Cause I want it all
Or nothing at all
There's no where left to fall
When you reach the bottom it's now or never
Is it all
Or are we just friends
Is this how it ends
With a simple telephone call
You leave me here with nothing at all

There are times it seems to me
I'm sharing you with memories
I feel it in my heart
But I dont show it,show it
And then there's times you look at me
As though I'm all that you can see
Those times I don't believe it's right
I know,know it

Don't me make me promises
Baby you never did know how to keep them well
I've had the rest of you
Now I want the best of you
It's time for show and tell

Chorus

Cause you and I
Could lose it all if you've got no more room
No room inside for me in your life
Cause I want it all
Or nothing at all
There's no where left to fall
It's now or never

Chorus x2